Gomenasai
by 11katara12
Summary: Haibara's thoughts on her life to the song 'gomenasai' by tatu. A little ConanAi


Disclaimer: Everyone always writes these so I shall too. I do not own Detective Conan

Also, this is my very first fan fic so no mean flames please, fair critism is aloud though

Gomensai 'sorry' in Japanese

Song: Gomenasai

Band: Tatu

Gomenasai

She had lived her whole life in the shadows of 'them'. She had been forced to carry on her parents' project of the APTX-4869 to 'their' un-knowledge that it wasn't supposed to be a poison. It was supposed to be a re-animating drug, one that brings the dead back to life.

_**What I thought wasn't mine, in the light**_

_**Wasn't one of a kind…**_

Too bad she never got to complete the project fully, for her sister.

_**A precious pearl**_

Her now dead sister, dead because she was killed, she didn't even get a chance to cry for her because immediately she threatened 'them' to tell her what happened and almost immediately afterwards, 'they' locked her in a gas chamber, handcuffed to a pipe.

_**When I wanted to cry, I couldn't cause I**_

_**Wasn't allowed**_

And that's when her whole life changed.

_**Gomenasai, for everything**_

_**Gomenasai, I know I let you down**_

_**Gomenasai till the end, I never needed a friend,**_

_**Like I do now**_

'I'm sorry Akemi' she thought 'I let you down'. She was a traitor in a child's body instead of a scientist, forced to live in constant fear and hope that every step she took wasn't her last, and that was certainly not the way her sister wanted her to live.

_**What I thought wasn't all,**_

_**So innocent…**_

She had met 'her' for the first time when the Detective Boys had gone to get Conan to play with them. 'She' had commented on how cute she was, as they had mentioned before.

_**Was a delicate doll,**_

_**Of porcelain**_

Immediately, 'she' treated her with the kindness 'she' treated the rest, despite her rude silence. Kudo-kun was lucky to have someone like 'her'.

_**When I wanted to call you, and ask you for help**_

_**I stopped myself**_

'She' had once mentioned that if she ever wanted help or just wanted to talk, to call 'her'. She had almost done so once, but decided against it. What if Kudo-kun picked up? I would be too awkward.

_**Gomenasai, for everything**_

It's not that she disliked 'her'. It's just that 'she' reminder too much of her sister, who she let down. 'I'm sorry Mouri-san'.

_**Gomenasai, I know I let you down**_

_**Gomenasai till the end, I never needed a friend**_

_**Like I do now**_

And there was another reason.

_**What I thought was a dream,**_

Him

_**A mirage, was as real as it seems,**_

_**A privilege**_

He was always there for her. He promised to always protect her, even though she ruined his life. 'She' was lucky to have him, even if he was causing her pain.

_**When I wanted to tell you,**_

_**I made a mistake,**_

_**I walked away**_

She was close to telling him once, something she hadn't actually admitted to herself, but ended up saying nothing and running to the professor's house, where she currently resided.

_**Gomenasai, for everything**_

_**Gomenasai (gomenasai)**_

_**Gomenasai, I never needed a friend**_

_**Like I do now**_

A week later, the same scene occurred. They were walking home together and he was ranting on of how upset 'she' was lately of his disappearance.

'Kudo-kun' she said, unsure if it was in her mind or out loud.

"Yeah?" he answered, apparently it was aloud.

"You're so busy thinking of Mouri-san" she continued, "You don't notice if anyone else has feelings for you"

"Haibara"?

_**Gomenasai, I let you down**_

_**Gomenasai (gomenasai)**_

_**Gomenasai till the end **_

_**I never needed a friend**_

She smirked and looked at him

"Just kidding" she said and ran off, leaving him confused.

_**Like I do now**_

'I'm sorry Kudo-kun, for creating this drug and doing this to you, but I thank you for your promise and for caring, no matter how I treat you. I won't make it worse by saying how I feel'.

She had been wrong. She hadn't let her sister down. Akemi would be happy that she at least let someone in her life other than family. She would be glad that her little sister could trust someone. For once, she wasn't afraid, for he would be there for her. He and everyone else who cared for her.

0 

A/N- Yes I know, some parts of the story don't match the lyrics. The reason for that is because when I first wrote it, I thought some of the words were different and when I was done I checked the lyrics and they were different. Kind of stupid to check it after I was done, but oh well. DEAL WITH IT!

In case you hadn't guessed, "they" was the organization and 'she' was Ran.


End file.
